Jerk of the Year Awards
For this year’s Jerk of the Year Awards, I enthusiasthically nominate “Harry Potter Spoilers.” You know who you are. You think you’re sooooo clever, finding out ahead of everyone else what happens in the book. You think everyone hangs on your every word. You, my jerkwad friend, take some perverse delight in teasing others and threatening to spoil the ending for everyone. It is because of you that so many people went into seclusion over the weekend to quickly and quietly finish the book.
I hope you win, cause if you do, you’ll be awarded a ginormous crown for your pathetically small head. Wear it proud because when people recognize this tremendous achievement, they’ll be able to punch you in the face and know that you rightfully deserved it. You see, there’s a lesson to be learned from winning this award: you’ll come to the realization that every bad thing that’s happened in your life was because you were an inconsiderate, obnoxious, selfish little jerk.
I have managed to make it this far without someone ruining it for me. And it has been a tough road, what with every jerk nominee in my way, grinning from ear to ear, waiting for me to let my guard down, hoping to throw me off by a text message or email with the ending.
After 9 hours of reading the book last night, I found myself in my bedroom at 3 in the freakin’ morning, torn between the need to finish the book and the need to get some sleep. With still 100 pages left, and with my hands literally glued to the book, I silently cursed my slow-reading skills. Eyes bloodshot, back and neck strained, I slowly and regretfully put the heavy book aside and went to sleep.
If I run into another Jerk of the Year nominee today, you’ll be hearing about it in the news.
Bad Beth and Beyond 
Blargh! I just commented and I got an error, so here I go again. What I said was that I didn’t understand the spoiler people either. I don’t get what they get out of ruining other people’s fun. I finished on Sunday and have been VERY careful about what I say and to whom. My friend is “savoring” it, not rushing like I did, and he’s afraid to log onto any news sites, lest they spill the beans. So far so good, but I wonder how long that will last?
The last 100 pages go quick, so enjoy them!
Karen – A couple of coworkers of mine had cheated and already knew what happened in the end even before they got a hold of the book. So it was strange that they asked me what happened (i.e. who killed whom) anyway. When I told them what I had read so far, they shrieked and I could tell their surprises were genuine. I became that jerk. 😦
Don’t you spoil it for me… I still have TWO books to read. Did I tell you that Tony bought book 6 & 7 at Target? He said he was gonna read them and then on the way to the car he said, but you’re a faster reader than me, so maybe you should read the books first. All I was thinking is, I only read smut books really fast — does Harry Potter have steaming sex scenes??
I wouldn’t feel like a jerk, Beth. They wanted to be spoiled to begin with — it’s not your fault they got the wrong spoilers! Also, if they truly wanted to be surprised they shouldn’t have asked you, knowing you’d actually had the book in front of you. You’ve done nothing wrong and have proved just how silly spoilers are to begin with!
A lot of people who are too lazy to read the book and don’t want to wait for the cinematic moment have asked me who dies, as though that’s the most important thing about the book, because it isn’t.
Darn it, all I can think of are mean things to say!