Date My Ex

While watching “Project Runway” the other day, they had a commercial for this show.  I wasn’t really paying attention to it, but I kind of guessed what it was all about (the title was a dead giveaway).  While the people involved in this show are not even remotely interesting, I did like the concept behind it: what if I were to play matchmaker for my ex’s, what would I say about them? 

Well, this afternoon, I decided to list some of their finer, “sell-able” points:

– two of them have an MBA

– all but one of them have a college degree

– all but one of them drive nice cars, one of which is a shiny, sexy Corvette.  Sidenote: the one who didn’t have a nice car, paid off his brand new car in cash

– at least three of them will know what to do if a woman asks for tiramisu

– one of them has a very nice house down the shore

– all but one of them have a great sense of humor

– my Mom really liked two of them, even after they broke up with me

– all of them are white (or should I say, in varying shades of white, cause damn, a couple of them are downright translucent)

– they all have good family values, even the one with an abusive drunkard for a father

– sad to say none of them are good dancers but boy are they optimistic in trying!

– all of them make good money, even if one of them had to sell his soul by working for an evil corporation

– none of them smoke, although at certain times in our relationship they have all claimed to be “on fire.”

– all except one are well-travelled

– at least two of them can speak another language, albeit not fluently, but better than none

– all of them have good to great bedroom manners

– none of them will wait three days to call you

– one of them loves to spoon in the middle of the night

– only one of them doesn’t snore

– two have seen the Eiffel Tower, parts of Italy and Ireland, and one has even been to the Great Wall of China

– three of them do their own tax returns with no professional help whatsoever

– none of them know how to give a good massage but all of them could well afford to pay for one

– all of them are taller than 5’6″ (FYI, I’m 5’3″)

– one is exceptionally well-toned, while the others are relatively healthy

– one of them has the best cure for hiccups

– two of them are balding, but they’re two of the tallest men I’ve dated (well over 6’3″), so I couldn’t really see anyway

– one of them is a die-hard Yankees fan

– one of them is a die-hard Mets fan (I debated for a long time on whether or not that was a plus)

– three of them are not commitment-phobes, meaning they have all asked someone to marry them; buying the ring, going down on one knee and all that shit

– two can play an instrument

– one of them was a pitcher

– two of them have seen “Gone With the Wind” in its entirety

– two of them are great cooks

I’m sure there’s more but I don’t want to bore you.  I was surprised that I was able to recall these with little difficulty.  Actually, I had fun writing them all down.  No real hard feelings, then, I suppose.

So, anyone interested in dating my ex’s?   🙂

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~ by Binibining Beth on September 4, 2008.

6 Responses to “Date My Ex”

  1. know what cute girl.

    the quality of men that you’ve had as ex’s is MUCH higher the the quality of mine.

    you must have good taste in men, even if you did date tiny ( we all make mistakes 🙂

    he’ll give me much shit for that one.

  2. I know how to do my own taxes too. Are any of them Jewish? Or even Italian? Set me up!

  3. Why is being white a plus?

  4. Nah, I’m good. But thanks.

  5. It’s so refreshing to read about someone who has no hard feelings regarding their exes. And they all sound like pretty nice guys, except for that one who visited the Great Wall. He has man-whore written all over him. Someone told me. 🙂

  6. This was one of your best posts ever. You could even include, “one of them is currently a champion” 😛

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