If I had a million dollars

I had a dream the other day that I won $50 million dollars. I probably had that dream because I had just watched the entire Rush Hour trilogy in one weekend and it reminded me of the first movie where Chris Tucker was on the phone with the kidnappers.

Kidnapper: The drop will be made tonight. The amount will be fifty million dollars.
Chris Tucker: Fifty million dollars? Man, who do you think you kidnapped? Chelsea Clinton?
Kidnapper: We want twenty million in fifties.
Chris Tucker: Okay, twenty million in fifties.
Kidnapper: Twenty million in twenties.
Chris Tucker: Okay, twenty million in twenties.
Kidnapper: And ten million in tens.
Chris Tucker: Ten million in tens. Okay. Would you like fives with that?

Gad, that movie was hilarious.

Anyway, so in that dream, I had won that money tax-free and I was sitting at home, trying to figure out how to spend it. The first thing I did was buy my dream home – a very, very large mansion, almost a castle. There were servants inside the mansion, and servants outside the mansion; boatmen to tend the boats, and six crews of gardeners: two for the solarium, the rest for the grounds, and a tree surgeon on retainer. There were specialists for the indoor tennis courts, and the outdoor tennis courts, the outdoor swimming pool, and the indoor swimming pool.  And a cabana boy, just for show.

I bought my Mom another home just like mine, except without the swimming pools – she’s not a very good swimmer.  

Then I went to my big sister’s house and paid off her mortgage, hired a professional butler and nanny, had a small private theater built for Mike and set aside some money for first-class, all expenses-paid trips to Japan, Ireland and Greece.

After that, I drove down to Maryland to visit my little sister, Sammie, and Warren (in my new, shiny, red car) and bought them a nice, little starter home, His and Her hybrids, their own private jet to make it easier for them to visit us and a lifetime supply of Skittles.

When I was done making sure my family was settled for the rest of their lives, I worked on helping others. I set up the Bad Beth and Beyond Fund to pay back all the help my friends have given me. To get any money from the Fund, it was a simple matter of filling out the application and proving that you had been of some help to me at one point or another.

I can’t quite remember anymore what happened afterwards. I vaguely recall telling Tinyhands that he was already pre-approved and needn’t go through the application process anymore and I also recall telling my best friend Nina that she’d get a cut of all the money I share with others if she processed all the applications for me.

Hey, a girl could dream, couldn’t she?


~ by Binibining Beth on August 23, 2007.

5 Responses to “If I had a million dollars”

  1. I’ve had that dream, and I cked with you about how to avoid paying too much taxes, and then gave the tax savings to you.

  2. After watching what happened to Jack Whitaker, I’ll skip winning the lottery, although 100,000 would be nice.

  3. If I had a million dollars, I’d buy you a green dress… but not a real green dress (that’s cruel).

  4. sammie is my new favorite ever.

    i was “this” close to going bnl on you!

  5. Michael – yeah, but does that include my fee? 😉

    Inanna – sorry, don’t know who Jack Whitaker is (and I’m too lazy to Google it). 😀

    But the money I won was not from the lotto. Or at least, that’s the impression I got…I can’t remember anymore, I’m getting old.

    Sammie – but, but, I’ve always wanted a monKEY! Which reminds me, they have pre-wrapped sausages but they don’t have pre-wrapped bacon, why is that?

    allie – you should have! That’s why I used that title for the post! I’m a little disappointed with the lack of BNL replies. I’ll blame it on Yoko.

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