The pit of despair

I want to run away.  Far away from everything that’s making my heart beat too fast, my head spin too much, my breathing too shallow, my thoughts too crowded. 

I want to find a nice, secluded area, where I think I am close enough for God to hear me scream my fucking lungs out. 

I want to be able to feel the mind-numbing effects of alcohol again, instead of just the constant need to pee.

I know we all have our problems and I know I’m not being singled out.  I know we all have different ways of dealing and I know I can be stronger and smarter than this.  I know that everything that feels like it’s falling spectacularly to pieces will somehow turn out to be alright. 

I want all that and I know all this, but right now, I’m struggling to make them all come together. 


~ by Binibining Beth on August 18, 2007.

5 Responses to “The pit of despair”

  1. Try a different kind of alcohol… and know you will make it through. Make a list, explore scenarios, and take a deep breath sweetheart.

  2. Is it weird that reading this made me feel a little better, like I’m not the only going through a weird time right now? We’re probably not angsting about the same things, but I think it’s going around, like the flu. Like you say, I know it’ll get better eventually, but I wish there was some antibiotic to make it better it faster.

  3. How come my password don’t work?

  4. Sometimes you have to let go of the reins and let things be what they will.

    I’ve learned that if a glass falls off the counter, just let it drop. Usually, I’ll just make it worse by trying to catch it and I may hurt myself in the process. Same goes for life.

    Don’t know if that’s applicable, but it sounded good.

  5. My password doesn’t work either, but I’m sorry things are rough for you. It seems to be the way things are going for a lot of us lately.

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