The human calculator

Despite popular bullshit belief, accountants are not always good in math.  Chances are your accountant will have some kind of accounting software to do your books, some highly-comprehensive tax system to prepare your taxes, and at the very least, they have Excel to create your financial statement.  If your accountant, in this super-fast, easily-accessible world of technology, does not have any of these, then you’d better go ahead and pay the fines now or get used to the idea of spending time in jail.

Sure, it was all done with pencils and tons of paper a mere 20 years ago, but the laws have changed drastically since then, and the penalties for even minor mathematical mistakes are heavy.  And despite being creatures of habit, we accountants have adapted to this change and have grown to rely heavily on technology to do the math for us.  So it is with great annoyance that I find people still asking me to figure out 15% of their goddamn meal. 

Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I dressed up as a human calculator, today!  Gad! 

My cell phone has this neat little feature they call, E-Z tip calculator.  All I have to do is punch in the total amount of the bill and the number of people, and voila!  It’ll add in the tip and then divide it into equal amounts amongst the diners!  I love it!

Smart-ass remarks about how I’m a terrible accountant for using such a device will be duly noted and assuredly used against you when it comes time for you to justify your career choices. 

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~ by Binibining Beth on August 3, 2007.

5 Responses to “The human calculator”

  1. You know, doing the math on a 20% tip is much easier…. 🙂

  2. Hey, my brother’s a CPA and we always joke about how he’s the CPA who can’t add. One of the good things about living in NY and CA is the tax is between 8 and 8.5% – makes it easy to calculate the tip by “doubling the tax and rounding up.”

    I’m going to check my phone to see if it has that tip thing.

  3. Anyone stupid enough to trust me to tell their share of the bill is going to wind up paying at least part of my share as well.

    $50 tab? With tip, your share is $40.

  4. Inanna – I know! Plus you don’t look like a cheapskate!

    Green – well, another way to get around the math is to go with a group of 6 or more so that the restaurant does it for you! The problem with that is, you have to like all 6 (or more) people you go out with. I’d much rather go out with my bf and have him figure it out for me.

    Ha! Will you listen to me?? If I were out with my bf, I wouldn’t have to pay (cause I’m spoiled like that)!

    My phone’s the LG EnV, but I think the newer models of LG phones come standard with that E-Z Tip Calc feature. I’m sure Motorola has that too. Don’t know about the other phones.

    tinyhands – and if I were with you, you’d have to pay for my share too. I feel sorry for the people we hang out with. 😀

  5. Let’s see, for instance, tab without tax is 42.50. 10% is 4.25, half of that, ok 5% is 2.12, or 2.13 if you’re generous. Total tip is 6.38 or, if your generous, 6.40.

    But then, I was once a waitress and I FIRMLY believe you should tip 20%, which, of course, as pointed out above, is way easier.

    But I agree with tinyhands, if you ask me to figure out the tip, you’re going to pay (more)!

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