The Beth in the mirror

I usually like to prepare what outfit I’m going to wear to work the night before.  I check the forecast, then I start pulling clothes out of my closet and try them on.  Well, tonight, I was happily watching “Willy Wonka” and day dreaming of swimming in a chocolate river when I tried on an outfit, saw myself in the mirror and was horrified to see a fat chick staring back at me. 

It reminded me of my favorite tv show “Scrubs.”  Dr. Cox (played by the funny John C. McGinley) was expressing his concern for a patient because he was overweight.  In true, Dr. Cox style, he said to the patient, “Well, I am a firm believer that you are what you eat and apparently you ate a very fat man this morning.” 

I ate a fat Beth this morning and now I’m carrying hers AND my weight.  Some of you may argue I’m not fat, but let’s not get into the subjectiveness of the word, okay?  Nothing any of you can say will make me believe otherwise. 

What I do need from you folks is your help and support.  I have a gym membership I don’t use.  I have bad eating habits.  I don’t get enough sleep a day.  I have been working a lot of hours overtime because it’s tax season.  I tire easily.  I am very stressed out at times.  I have allergies.  I try to take multi-vitamins every day but I tend to forget.  I eat three full meals a day.  I have a tendency to snack when I’m bored, resltess, irritated, pensive, depressed, ecstatic or drunk.

I know I need to lose some weight, not because I want my gorgeous (yet another subjective word, but a word that someone keeps using on me) body back, but if I stay on this road, I’ll grow obese and I’ll end up hating myself.  Some people might say they’ll still love me regardless of what shape or size I grow into.  How could you possibly?  How could you love someone who can’t show respect even for their own body?  Or is that an incredibly shallow thing to say? Probably. 

I used to be able to look in the mirror and actually like what I see.  These days, I find myself pulling together whatever outfit that fits, even if it looks horrible and hope that I can make it through the day without anyone noticing how fat I am.  I’m afraid I’m in the beginning stages of “letting myself go,” and that’s just sadder than something really sad.

But, please, no pity.

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~ by Binibining Beth on February 19, 2007.

11 Responses to “The Beth in the mirror”

  1. Go to the gym! Everyday. Even when you don’t want to. Even when you have a million “valid” reasons not to – you worked late, you just ate, you’re tired, it’s too late to go, blah blah blah. Go. Even if it’s for half an hour. Even if you’re just on the treadmill for 10 minutes. Just get in the zone where you’re going and you’ll start enjoying it again. If it’s not possible, go for walks at lunch. Park your car further away from the office and walk, take the stairs not the elevator, etc.

    Seriously. I don’t know what happened but I stopped going to the gym and then one day I realized how much of my hard earned money was being wasted on membership I don’t even use. I started forcing myself to go everyday, even for a little bit now I love it again. And clothes are starting to get baggy! Believe me, I know what you’re talking about. Do yourself a favour and stop making excuses.

  2. I admit it, I’m the bad guy and it’s all my fault:
    Yes, I’m the one who tells her she is gorgeous.

    I know I need to stop, but sometimes I just can’t. I hear a little demon on my right shoulder saying, “talk about the weather.” But then a little angel appears on my left saying, “remind her how beautiful she is.” *sigh* I need help. I need to listen to my inner demons.

    In the meantime, I’m going to support her by working out alongside (1400 miles away) her.

  3. hey, ah…i know this one so well. i also know that no one else’s words can help ( so i’m going to write some…cause i’m a helper that way)

    i think you’re beautiful – but even if the whole world does, and you don’t feel it .. my words are empty.

    i get the weight thing, i’m working on it everyday – every minute it seems. i suck at the gym thing, but the “diet” does seem to be working, and when you feel up to it. it will work for you also.

    but i am willing to punch tex in the face just for my own fun if you want. …again, i’m a helper 🙂

  4. You at least know what you’re not doing. I, on the other hand, have been working out like a mad man and the scale keeps on inching to…the…right. Yeah I know muscle weighs more than fat, but somehow it doesn’t make me feel any better.

    Ok I do know what I’m not doing but I’m just in denial. I need to go on a diet. I have no problem working out for 2.5 hours a day (starting earlier and earlier…5am…) but I simply cannot resist the chocolate, I can’t stay no to nachos and I happen to be Filipino and man I gotta have rice or it just ain’t a meal!

    So maybe we can pair up? I’ll help you stay motivated on the working out part, you help me get motivated on the diet?

    Let’s start tomorrow. 🙂

  5. I get you loud and clear. Besides. Obese people smell funny. I don’t mind being fat, but I really don’t want to stink.

  6. Amen, Zelda.

    On second thought, Beth let’s start next week. Kung hei fat choi. I don’t want to miss out on the tikoy…and hopefully you and I will be in great shape by around September so we can indulge in some moon cakes…

    Darn Asian holidays…

  7. No pity here. I had that moment last July and didn’t like it one bit. I actually had a bit of breakdown over it. I tried on my wedding dress, the one I’d worn a mere 11 months prior and I didn’t fit in it. Tony argues that point with me because I did get it on my body and zipped up. But I looked like one of those people who were in denial about their true size.

    It was that which inspired me to start swimming. And it’s that image in my head that keeps me swimming. One might even go so far as to say that I’m swimming away from that.

  8. On my previous comment, that denial about true size thing that I felt — it was rather like the guy in this image…

    LINK

  9. Grace – advice taken. Today was Day Two of me hitting the gym. I wonder if I can make it through all 7 days?

    tinyhands – I like the whole seduction thing you got going here, but I’m a….um…never mind. 😉

    allie – thank you! I actually laughed out loud at the idea of you punching tex in the face! And your words are never empty. I’m just a little hard of hearing. 😀

    Leese – help you on a diet? Do you know who you’re talking to, woman?? I add bacon to everything. There’s this cartoon, “Fairly Odd Parents” that I used to watch with my Godson. In one episode, the real parents went out to eat at a place called, “The Cake and Bacon.” Now that’s my idea of heaven.

    Hhmmm….cake and bacon.

    Zelda – well, that and one day, when I become a mother, I don’t want those “Yo momma so fat” jokes to be true!

    Leese – I was never much into the Asian holidays.

    Irish holidays, on the other hand………

    Jeanette – I saw a picture of myself when I was in high school. I kept staring at my arms, they were so skinny! And back then, I was obsessing that I was fat! Sheesh.

    I know I can’t ever look that way again, but it sure is a good goal to try to reach.

    And good gawd! Someone should tell that skinny guy that he’s ruining any chance of having kids. But then again, would we want someone like that reproducing?

  10. Make sure you get lotsa sleep — there’s an easier step toward your solution. Eating right and exercise is obviously important, but I have found that I feel better physically and mentally when I get my 7-8 hours. And if you eat right and exercise regularly, the sleep will come easily.

    And dream of me.

  11. It’s all about healthy living…. not crash diets… not hours in the gym… It’s about a lifestyle change. It’s a lifetime commitment.

    I have some great advice… when you’re ready.

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