Hold me closer, Tony Danza

I have a secret to share with you folks. Remember when I went to Houston back in September? And you remember when we went to that karaoke bar? Okay, well, remember when two very drunk and very talented bloggers sang a very, very special song? If you need help remembering, email me and I’ll send you the video. 😉

Anyway, I didn’t want to say anything back then, but I looooove to sing. I know that if I had said something, I’m sure I would’ve been peer-pressured into singing and I’m telling you this now, there is not enough alcohol on planet Earth that’ll make me get up on stage and sing badly in front of complete strangers, so don’t. Even. Try.

But a karaoke machine at home? Gimme that mic! I am a singing fool, I’ll sing anything and I’ll sing it with as much gusto as my squeaky little voice can muster. The problem, however, with such free-spirited singing is that it is a bit irresponsible. My vocal stylings don’t include getting the correct words to the song. Like I could be bothered with such trifles!

As a result, I usually find myself surprised when someone corrects me. Take the title of this post, for example. It didn’t really bother me that Elton John would want Tony Danza, after all I knew Elton was gay. But now the song has a whole new meaning for me and it is actually quite lovely.

Okay, it’s not. I still don’t know what the hell the song’s about, but at least it’s not as disturbing as the one with Tony Danza in it.

To prove to you that I am lyrically challenged, though I may end up regretting this later, I present to you my version of Billy Joel’s rock anthem, “We Didn’t Start the Fire.” I listened to the song over and over again, then wrote down as much as I know and compared my words to the real thing.

Harry Truman, Doris Day
Red China, Johnny Ray
South Pacific, Walt and windshield, Joe DiMaggio

Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon
Stew the baker, Television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe

Rosenbergs, H-bomb
Sugar Ray, Pam and John
Brando, The King and I
And The Catcher In The Rye

Eisenhower, Vaccine
England’s got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santa and I goodbye

[Chorus]
We didn’t start the fire
It was always burning since the world’s been turning
We didn’t start the fire
No, we didn’t light it
But we tried to fight it

Joseph Stalin, Malenkov
NASA and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc

Roy Cohn, Juan Peron
Toscanini, Dacron
Din din Foo Falls, Rock Around the Clock

Einstein, James Dean,
Brooklyn’s got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan
Elvis Presley, Disneyland

Bardot, Budapest
Alabama, cruise check
Princess Grace, Peyton Place
Trouble in the Suez

[Chorus]

Little Rock, pasta snack,
Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, You and I,
Bridge On The River Kwai

Lebanon, Charles de Gaulle,
California baseball
Stocks, weather, homicide
Children of the little minds

Buddy Holly, Ben Hur
Space Monkey, Mafia
Hula Hoops, Castro
Edsa is a no-go

U2, Sigman read
something something Kennedy
Chubby Checker, Psycho,
Belgians in the Congo

[Chorus]

Hemingway, Ike-man
Stranger in a Strange Land
Building Berlin
Bay of Pigs invasion

Lawrence of Arabia
British Beatlemania
Ole Miss, John Glenn
Piston beats Patterson

Pope Paul, Malcolm X
British Politician sex
J.F.K. blown away
What else do I have to say?

[Chorus]

Birth control, Ho Chi Minh
Richard Nixon back again
Mood shot, Woodstock
Watergate, punk rock

Bacon, Reagan, Palestine
Terror on the airline
Ayatollah’s in Iran
Russians in Afghanistan

Wheel of Fortune, Sally Ride,
Heavy metal, suicide
Foreign bets
Homeless Vets
AIDS, crack, Bernie gets

Hypodermics on the shores
China’s under martial law
Rock and roller, cola wars,
I can’t take it anymore!!

We didnt start the fire
But when we are gone
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on…

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~ by Binibining Beth on January 30, 2007.

10 Responses to “Hold me closer, Tony Danza”

  1. There are some things you should never, publicly, admit to.

    Ever.

  2. As I’ve found with most things Beth, there is no rhyme nor reason.
    She got Stalin but not Khrushchev. DiMaggio & Mantle but not Liston. Korea but not Panmunjeom.

    But we love her anyway.

  3. Grace – oh just wait till I get started! I’m considering making this a series of things I probably shouldn’t admit, but Lord help me, I just gotta blog about ’em.

    😀

    irog ko – why do I need rhyme or reason? That’s what Michael and Grace are for! And for someone who spent half her life in another continent, speaking a whole other language, I didn’t do so bad!

  4. Oh boy she’s calling him Irog. So what’s next on the Karaoke playlist?

    Dahil sa Iyooooooo nais kong mabuuuuuuuhaaaaaaayyy…

    I guess it can’t be as bad as my signature Karaoke number You Light Up My Life. Depends on how drunk I am I may belt it out towards the end.

    “Youuuu, you light up maaahhyyy life…”

    *pointing at Unfortunate Designated Driver*

    Sigh. I never knew coming out could feel so good.

    Oh wait. This is not a Karaoke Coming Out event?

  5. Normally, I can’t figure out lyrics either, but this is just world history listings…

    Well, at least you’re not a poor birth-defected child of the little minds or a victim of executed Nazi Albert Ike-Man. Sigman Read might suggest you drive around in a Stew the Baker or an Edsa with boxer Sonny Piston and pay off your foreign bets to world leaders Bacon, NASA and cruise check.

  6. That’s okay. There’s a police song that I always thought they were singing “my poohole aches, with every step you take” and I always thought it was a gay song. Turns out they were really singing, “My poor heart aches…”

    All I can say is something was aching.

  7. (To the same tune…)

    ♪ Mindanao, Pacquaio
    José Rizal
    Linda Barry, Agbayani
    Gloria Arroyo

    Pinatubo’s full of steam,
    Caloy’s got a winning team
    Efren Reyes, Villalobos
    Archipelago ♪

  8. Very impressive th! i wouldnt have even known who pacquiao is…i know only bec he was big news while i was there.

  9. Karaoke in public? do it sober…

    that takes balls and you know your krazy…

    about someone.

  10. Beautiful Beth, can I gets a passcode? 🙂

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