If I should die before I wake….

I was talking to Tinyhands one night about funeral arrangements (cause that’s what you talk about with someone you’ve shared a near-death experience with) and why some people bother to make their own funeral arrangements. I could say that I want to be cremated and have my ash tossed in the Pacific (not the Atlantic) ocean. But I’m dead, I can’t stop my family from doing whatever the heck they want, now can I? Oh sure, you hope they will respect your last wishes, but, again, you’re dead, what does it really matter?

Yes, I know it’s a bit morbid to be talking about death and funerals, but I think it’s one of a million topics I haven’t touched upon. So here we go…….

I really couldn’t care less if I’m cremated or buried six feet under. What I do care about is the “viewing.” I want none, thank you very much. If bringing together a bunch of people I knew is going to make all of you sad, then you can just skip this ritual and just get on with the ash toss/burial. But if you feel compelled to get together and pay respects to my family, by all means, go ahead! Just make sure you have a funny anecdote to share. Your “Remember When” anecdote should be your lasting memory of me. Hell, you have my entire blog to choose from, so make it good!

Which then led me to think about this blog. In the 2+ years I’ve been a blogger, I’ve grown attached to a lot of you. I know no one wants to think about it, but what if something should happen to you? How are we going to find out about it? It’s not like we all have your phone number for us to check in on you! And leaving a hundred comments to see if you’d respond is much like the proverbial falling tree in the forest that no one can hear – except everyone can see that you’ve been left out of the loop. Bet you didn’t think about that, huh?? Well, I did! You’re not immortal, you know!

I consider a handful of you, real friends (meaning I have your phone number on my cell phone), and the rest I consider fond acquaintances. If anything should ever happen to me, I want my little sister, Sammie to take over my blog and inform my acquaintances of my demise. For my friends, I was going to have my family call each and every one of you, but realized what a pain in the ass that would be. So, instead, I will be leaving one phone number for my family to call, in the hopes that this person will call the rest. Can you guess which one of you that is?

I’ll give you a clue – this person will most likely be the one responsible for my death. When you get a phone call from this person, then you will know who did it and I can only hope you will avenge me!

And on that note, I wish y’all a great weekend!

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~ by Binibining Beth on November 2, 2006.

8 Responses to “If I should die before I wake….”

  1. I guess this would explain all those bouquets and condolence cards my wife kept getting when I decided to go on a blog hiatus.

  2. I think that half your readers would hate hearing from me though Beth so you really should think about getting someone else to do this. Thanks for the thought though. 🙂

  3. Despite how sweet it is, it’s not doing a lot for my self-esteem. Still, I’ll have to upgrade my calling-plan, so make sure I’m getting something in the will.

  4. I plan to keep blogging from the grave.

    btw, Gooch, in my book, you’re not back from the dead; you’re still just haunting us. Someone will have truly returned from a hiatus when they have more new posts than the number of months they were gone. Plus, you’ve commented on everyone’s blog but mine, mofo.

  5. “Viewings” are a bit macabre, in my opinion. But I think it’s important for those left behind to gather and share in one another’s pain… but I would hope that attendees will come not for the sake of obligation but from the genuine need to commiserate.

    Personally, I hope to be fertilizer once I’m dead.

  6. My sisters and I were having this exact conversation this morning. We decided we wanted our bodies to be donated to a carnival and established in the Haunted House. I thought it would be better than the dunking booth.

  7. I want to be cremated and I want a rock n roll send off. I need to have a back up for my blog so someone can post that I’ve gone home. Not morbid, just thinking ahead.

  8. You’ll probably hear about my death from my Microsoft Office Out of Office Assistant:

    “Hi. Thanks for you e-mail. I got [insert cause of death here] and will be away from the office. I don’t think I will have access to e-mail or voice mail, so if you have an urgent matter, make sure to call BOB (but try not to overwhelm him too much, he doesn’t do well under pressure, besides, he’s probably still mourning the loss of his most important employee). Thanks and take care now.”

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