Dear friend

Nothing I’m about to say will probably sound new to you. Not really sure why I’m even compelled to tell you these things now, except to let you know that I’ve been thinking about you a lot since I last saw you. I don’t know what to do with you. You give the appearance of caring like any good friend does, but the next moment, you would just disappear on me for no apparent reason. I know you have a lot of things going on in your life, but you’re not the only one with problems, kid. I’d love to be able to help you out in any way I can, I don’t know what else I can do to make you see how sincere I am about that. And you know you can count on me, you know that if you would just pick up the phone and call, I’d be at your place in 20 minutes, 25 if I can’t find parking. I’d love to be a really good friend to you, in the purest sense of the word, because you have been a good friend to me on the rare ocassions that I have seen you.

It’s when I don’t see you that you turn into a jerk. There I said it. I read your blog, I send you emails, I try to catch you online, but you avoid me. And maybe you’re smart to do so, after all, I can be quite a drama queen at times. So I can totally understand that you want your space. But dude, have I been that bad to you? Did I not do anything good for you in the three years I’ve known you? I’m not fucking perfect, but I’m not a complete monster either!

I’m not asking for a commitment, kid. All I’m asking for is an explanation as to why you run hot and cold on me. Actually, you know what? You don’t have to explain yourself to me. You’re a grown man, you shouldn’t have to explain your actions to anyone, least of all to me. But do you think you could at least tell me you don’t want anything to do with me anymore? I suppose, by avoiding me, you’re telling me to get lost, but you know I can’t read between the lines like that.

Some people have come to ask me why I keep reaching out to you. You are, without a doubt, one of my most interesting friends, which is probably why we always have such a good time together. That and I know deep down you’re a good person, a very lost and somewhat helpless person, but a good person nevertheless. I know that you have lived practically your whole life relying on no one but yourself, so you may not realize it, but you do need help.

I’m not saying I’m the help you’re looking for, but would you lose much if you tried? Only one way to find out right?

Don’t really know what else I could say. I’m waiting for a response, but more than anything, I’m waiting for you to prove me right.

Yours truly,
Beth

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~ by Binibining Beth on June 18, 2006.

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