A typical day at the zoo with Beth

I walked into the building with the monkey exhibit at the Bronx Zoo. I went up to the first exhibit of a little monkey high up on a make-shift jungle inside a glass cage of sorts. I took out my camera and started setting it up. The lighting was bad inside the building so I had to keep adjusting the settings. While I was doing so, I heard this guy to my left start mumbling something. At first I wasn’t sure what he was saying, then it all came out loud and clear to me.“Oh look, the sign says ‘No picture taking allowed.’ Monkey must be saying, ‘Stupid human can’t read.'”

I looked to my left and saw this little stump of a man with an even shorter, fat girl clinging tightly to him.

Did this short motherfucker just call me stupid?!?

“You know I can hear you.”

“Yeah, you can hear well, but you can’t read can you,” the asshole replied as he started to walk away.

“Well, I didn’t see the sign, it was an honest mistake,” I blurted out. But his moving away from me while I was saying something to him, made me see red.

I followed them, moved in front of the couple and looked down on him.

“You are an asshole. You see how that goes? When you have something to say to someone, you say it to their face. You don’t fucking mumble in the hopes someone would hear. Only dickless, ball-less jackasses do that. And as for you, Miss Thang, you think cowardly calling someone stupid is funny? Well, how’s this for funny. That ass of yours is so big, I’m surprised the zookeepers haven’t confused you for a runaway hippo.”

Apparently, picking on Shorty’s woman was the wrong thing to do, cause next thing I know, he stretched his arms up above his head and lunged at me.

What the fuck?? Is he trying to strangle me? I’m fucking 10 inches taller than this jackass!

I somehow manage to deflect his arms away from my chin and swiftly kick him in the balls with my right foot. Hmm…..apparently he did have balls.

He went down quick. Fatty Miss Thang leaped over her boyfriend and went after me next, screaming like a banshee, so I swung my right hand as hard as I could. My palm made contact with her face, but the momentum couldn’t be stopped there. My hand swung back and her other cheek met the back of my hand. “Oh shut up! Tend to your asshole boyfriend and stay the fuck away from me, you hear?!”

I then walked out of the building and met up with Nina. “What the hell happened in there,” Nina asked.

“Oh, I was just making friends.”

Too bad the fight didn’t really happen. The jackass walked away even before I could say anything, but boy did I want to kick his ass so badly!! I was livid! And I still am! I should have confronted him. I should have put him in his place. I should’ve wrung that asshole’s little neck until he apologized for being a piece of shit.


I need cohones.


~ by Binibining Beth on May 28, 2006.

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