In nomine patris, et filii, et spiritus sancti

I don’t remember when I stopped going to church, or when I stopped praying nightly. Not that I lost faith, I think I’m just lost. Lately, I’ve been wondering if maybe I’m lost because I stopped praying. Truth be told, I don’t exactly know why I did so.

I caught the last few minutes of the show on HBO before the Sopranos tonight. I was expecting to see Entourage, so I don’t know what the name of this show is, though I’m sure it’d be easy enough for me to find out. They showed how hard the hospital crew worked on saving the life of the Marine who was shot, and how they watched over him, hoping he’d pull through. But he didn’t. They decided not to give him his last rites because he had “no religious preference.” In the end, they prayed for him and I found myself praying with them.

Earlier today, I was bitching about a pain in the ass migraine that just wouldn’t go away. As I sat there, silently praying, my migraine went away. It didn’t slowly go away. It was *poof* gone!

Maybe God did hear my prayer and realized I was praying for someone else’s sake and He decided to finally spare me. Or maybe because I had been crying the whole time I was praying, that the tears helped to relieve the pressure away. It certainly wasn’t the Advil I had just taken 15 minutes before the show. Who really knows.

So many of my friends and family who are devout Catholics try to tell me about the power of prayer. They talk about how a family’s prayer helped save the life of someone dying. They talk about how praying to God and sharing with Him your problems will help unload some of the burden off of your shoulders. All these events, all these “answers to our prayers,” look suspiciously like coincidences to me. Cause whether or not that Marine really had any religious preference, I’m pretty sure someone was praying for him to come home alive.

I wish I could remember when or why I had gotten so cynical about my faith. Right now, I’m not looking for any kind of answer, neither am I asking any of you to help reaffirm my faith. I’m just throwing these thoughts out of my head and hoping they stop giving me a migraine.


~ by Binibining Beth on May 21, 2006.

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