I had a nightmare

To those folks who’ve emailed me about my lack of posting, I apologize.

Work has gotten in the way of blogging lately. Getting back from vacation is never easy at work. You find yourself returning phone calls and emails for over 3 hours a day. It doesn’t help that I’ve been out of the office seeing to my other clients, either as an auditor or a bookkeeper, and switching hats like that can wear me out sometimes.

Sure I’ve been busier than this before and still managed to post something, but something’s been pushing me to work just a little bit harder, to focus just a little bit more these days.

One night last week I had a recurring nightmare. Well, not so much a nightmare but a bad memory replaying itself in my head over and over again, intruding upon my sanctuary, that is, sleep.

It’s about that day, 2 years ago this month, when I was laid off by the old public accounting firm I used to work for.

I had just gotten back from an awesome vacation at Virginia Beach, only to find that they had taken a lot of my projects away from me and assigned it to someone else. And when I kept asking around if they had any work for me, I gladly accepted their reasoning that it was just a slow time for all of them, never suspecting what they had planned for me.

So, on that Friday when they were giving their annual employee review, I was happily sitting at my desk, emailing friends and wondering if I’d be able to go home early that day.

When they finally called me in, I was a little surprised to see our Firm Manager sitting in the room as well. Normally, only the managing partner’s involved.

But I sat down in front of them and waited. Gerard, the managing partner, dove right into it. “There’s no easy way to say this, but we’re letting you go.”

For just a few seconds, I smiled and thought, “He’s joking. He can be a prankster sometimes. This has got to be a joke. Right?”

But my smile faded when he looked down at my file and pulled out a severance check, and started going over the reasons why they had to let me go. “We’re not firing you….you have a great personality…..we know you have what it takes to be a really great CPA….blah blah blah.”

I was thankful for the shock – it kept me from breaking down in front of them. It was hard to speak, to hear what they were saying, to pull myself together and walk out of that office. But I kept my cool as I collected my stuff and cleaned out my desk.

When I passed by my friends, I gave them a big smile and said, “See ya guys later!” I knew I couldn’t stop to talk to them. Every second I spent in the office threatened to be my undoing, and I knew I couldn’t let them see me crack – I wanted them to remember me walking out with my head held high and with that smile on my face. I just had to get out of there.

I even managed to keep it together as far as the gas station a few blocks from our office. It was then, as the attendant filled my tank, when I finally had a moment to myself, that I broke down.

I don’t really know if you can call that a nightmare. It keeps me up at night, but it drives me to work harder the next day. I never want to be put in that position again, though it terrifies me constantly.

The next few months after that were a blur of meeting new people, of dealing with job searches and head hunters, and of trying to enjoy the rest of my forced summer vacation. It sure didn’t feel like a blessing in disguise, but then how does anyone really recognize it till we look back?

Anyway, my apologies, again, to those loyal folks who’ve been wondering why I’ve been slacking on here. I promise to post something good soon.

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~ by Binibining Beth on August 1, 2005.

One Response to “I had a nightmare”

  1. I have a very similar “dream” to that, too. I’m coming up on 3 years ago this August & I still catch my self trying to figure out the whys & how I would do things differently.–>

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